Negotiation is discussion aimed at reaching an agreement, and is not limited to communication with criminals and bad guys. Using negotiation techniques in our daily life with peers, friends and family can be beneficial because the rules of negotiation are basically the rules of how to better communicate.
Chris Voss, former lead hostage negotiator for the FBI, was recently interviewed by Eric Barker on how to use hostage negotiation to resolve disagreements and get people to change their minds using The Behavioral Change Stairway Model. The following fives steps constitute the Behavioral Change Stairway Model:
1. Active Listening: Listen to their side and make them aware you’re listening.
2. Empathy: You get an understanding of where they’re coming from and how they feel.
3. Rapport: Empathy is what you feel. Rapport is when they feel it back. They start to trust you.
4. Influence: Now that they trust you, you’ve earned the right to work on problem solving with them and recommend a course of action.
5. Behavioral Change: They act. (And maybe come out with their hands up.)
At the root of negotiation skills is active listening. Most people lack active listening skills and skip right to step 4, influencing, which comes off as bossy and destroys rapport. If you want to communicate effectively and negotiate well, you need to learn to stfu. Read the full 6 Hostage Negotiation Techniques That Will Get You What You Want article here.